As I sit here this morning my mind wanders backwards to last night; the call coming in and the Constable's words, "Your daughter is perfectly fine ma'am, she didn't see a thing." How things immediately took on such a surreal feeling. Going through the motions, us getting dressed to go and collect her from the scene. The whole trip wondering, what exactly happened and was it really happening.
That a woman so seemingly calm and kind. Her children, their behaviours evident of a loving and good home. How on earth? Not ever could we imagine what we would soon learn as being "the truth".
That hours later, in the wee hours of the morning as I lay next to you, my final thoughts returning to that sweet and innocent little girl. My daughter's friend and how she looked into my eyes as she spoke, "Its okay but dogs make me feel uncomfortable, and its probably better if I stayed with my brother tonight." As they then turned and walked away with the night's assigned custodian and neighbour. Her expression and how she struggled to keep her voice even as the tears welled.
Their mother? Why? What on earth was going on to have made such a decision? Certainly no parent could make a deliberate decision that would have such results....plunging their own children into a world of uncertainty and despair....I do not judge, please do not think this. I am merely grappling with what is as I wonder what has happened in the hours since and how I hope that my daughter's friend will call soon. Will share with her friend that somehow some peaceful and hopeful resolution has been found and that her mom, I pray to the powers that will be, will get the help she needs.
Perhaps once the girls have spoken, perhaps then I can find peace, myself. In the mean time, I think I should go embrace my own daughter and hug her extra tight, for just a few more minutes then usual....simply because at this moment in time, I am blessed with the ability to do so.
These are my thoughts on this the final Sunday morning in January 2009.
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