HHC-The Silent Killer

Well it has certainly been a while since I have last written anything, apart from the
random little fun facts in my blog. Not really delving into anything too deeply. In
part, I suppose it is because life has kept me busy and thus insufficient time to really
get into blogging in any great detail.

One area in particular zapping pretty much all of my energies almost entirely.
For a few years and with an even greater emphasis over the past several months I
have been very concerned about the overall health of my husband. Recently
culminating with his worrisome description of a feeling of impending doom, a general unwellness beginning in his toes and surging upwards, full body aches, total
exhaustion and yet at the same time intense unease and the strongest compulsion to
want to crawl out of one's own skin.

"It is as if," he recalls for me, "someone has injected diesel fuel or some other poison
in your toes and it is spreading rapidly throughout your body."
Probably the best way to articulate the feelings that are then linked to a terrifying and
foreboding thought process. The time in between, the waiting and wondering until the fateful day and an all telling appointment with a Hematologist arrives.
A day when all of his fears will either be realized, given the past medical history of his
brother and many aunts, uncles and cousins and their horrific lost battles with cancer ended tragically very early in life. Or will some other explanation be offered?

It is a calm and quiet morning in the hospital's Oncology/Hematology department. It
is easy to determine what most patients are here for. Rarely locking eyes with anyone, together we take our seats and wait for the lab technician to gather he and I to take three seemingly innocuous tubes of blood and then return us to the waiting room, once more. Three little tubes, unknown to us at that moment, that have the potential to change our lives forever.

Returning to our seats, the time passing slowly but with each minute I am more and
more certain that at the very least a testing of his blood will produce a "verbal" result
and thereby some degree of a certain diagnosis before the day is through.
Sitting next to him, offering nothing but support, a little voice hisses at me. "What
if..." I sigh, "what if its not as little as you have thought? What if, it really is cancer?" I
gulp hard and force my brain to think of something, anything else. I have been down
this road once before...caring for my previous husband right up until the end and
refusing to believe that life could once again be so cruel. No there is no way I could
be a widow a second time in only as little as a five year span. Certainly not twice at
not yet forty-three. Our daughter of only age 11, to consider as well.
We are at last brought into to meet the specialist and after exchanging certain
pleasantries she asks my husband to comment on his overall health, the past several
months and soon flat out states, that he does in fact have HHC, Hereditary
Hemachromotosis. Something he was in fact born with and that because most of the
medical field has erroneously been lead to believe is rare (wrongfully perceived) and thus seldom diagnosed in time because most are not educated to know the warning signs/symptoms or origins of it. While it is true that it is generally thought to be non life threatening, that is only true if the illness is detected and treated early enough on. If left untreated it can contribute to many serious and potentially fatal ailments that include, Type 2 Diabetes, Cirrhosis, Cancer, Congestive Heart Failure, Parkinson Disease, Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia. It can cause several mood disorders such as anxiety and anger disorders and may be misdiagnosed as Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorders. The medications used to effectively treat those disorders not only permanently altering the recipient's brain chemistry but proving to yield catastrophic results , including suicide, if medications are taken unnecessarily.
This disease is essentially an iron overload. It is simply yet perhaps seemingly a touch medieval, best treated through Phlebotomy or in layman's terms, blood letting.
*to be continued in further blogging installments.

25 (Fun) Facts That You Likely Didn't Already Know About Me

1. I used to be terrifed of large breed dogs that is until I myself owned a King Sheppard/
Rotti cross and then a American Staffordshire Bull Terrier.
2. I consider myself to be spiritual as opposed to religious.
3. I am a firm believer in that life is far too short to be taken too seriously.
4. I am definitely right of centre...How right? Do Ann Coulter, David Menzies and Ezra
Levant provide you with any clues?
5. Although I do not oppose the "Pro Choice" right; apart from instances meaning life and
death, it's not the right thing for me personally.
6. I believe that those who have children knowing full well they haven't the means to
provide for them are to some degree comitting child abuse.
7. Beauty pagents have no place in a world where women should be seen as equals.
8. I am the eldest of 8 children.
9. I have 1 full brother, 5 half sisters and 1 half brother.
10. I am a Capricorn.
11. I am proud to state that I share my birthday with Sir Anthony Hopkins.
12. Motherhood, by far, is my greatest life achievement, thus far.
13. I am happily married to my soul mate and best friend.
14. I drink rarely.
15. My drink of choice aside from water would be Bailey's Irish Cream or white wine.
16. I am defintely a multiple (tasks, talented, etc, ;) kind of gal. :)
17. I have what I describe best as "varied" taste in music. Pretty much everything BUT rap
or hip/hop.
18. I believe that Canadians could learn from the U.s. "what it means to be patriotic."
19. The place I most want to see in my life time is "the French Quarter" New Orleans.
20. Other must vist places include: England, duh I wonder why....Australia and Ireland.
21. The only reason why I probably won't ever visit Vegas, is simply because I just don't
think I can conquer the power of one arm bandits, lol.
22. At the moment I don't think there is anyone sexier than my hubby dressed in leather!
23. A close second in terms of sexiness however would be Johnny Depp.
24. My vision of heaven, although isnt clear does include never again having to do dishes or
laundry and has an endless supply of unfattening, good tasting chocolate.
25. And the final 25th fun fact about me, that I thought you might like to know about me is
contrary to popular opinion I do not have an anger problem; I am quite comfortable with
exploded whenever the F-@#-in-H&!-L I please. LOL

Obama? How Will Canada Measure Up?

So its been a week since the Historic event and while I must admit that I do so see Present Barak Obama as quite capable for a most sizable job at hand, I have to pause and wonder at a recent favourite topic. "How on earth will Canada

ever be able to compete?" In terms of excitement,

supporters, media coverage and talked about...who exactly will cause as much a stir as the first Black American President and family?

Well in my personal opinion, I am not even all that certain I can understand why Canadians are so caught up in the whole issue of race in the first place. For unlike our neighbours to the south, Canada has never been any where near as tolerant of racism in the first place! So I suppose it is only right that the excitement from event such as this should stem from the United States. That perhaps what might seem far more appropriate to Canadians might be a first ever Aboriginal Canadian as Prime Minister. Or perhaps a member with a visible disability. Someone, who first hand, understands the struggles of those living and struggling to maintain some vestige of dignity while aided by present Publicly funded disability or Social Programs. How about an openly gay or lesbian to lead the way? Ah but is Canada ready to embrace a Transgendered female into Office? Let's face it, at this point in time, copying the United States would be like playing "follow the leader" would it not? So I am really curious....what do you think....how will or should Canada proceed and compete in making history with our neighbours?

Unoffical Snow Day Called By Mom-In-Charge!

So we are expecting as much as 15 cms of snow to fall in our region between now and five this evening. Making both the morning and evening rush hours hellish to say the very least. A peak at a local news' media website and the top story centres around the fact that already this morning, before 6am, there have been dozens of crashes due to the weather. Yet our Catholic school board has not yet cancelled the school buses. What to do?

Well I could, I suppose send my child to school on her school bus, business as usual. From looking out my window, the sidewalk seems to only have received a light dusting at this point. Though I am mindful of the rather sheltered community, the high brick building construction of our century old Victoria Row House complex and how that so nicely seems to shield us from all but the most heaviest and windiest storms. I am also mindful of the simple fact that the heaviest accumulation is expected to fall between eight and noon today.

Still there is one more factor that weighs heaviest on this mom's mind. Beginning in 1999 through until 2003, I was a school bus driver. Employed through two different Boards; one rural the other urban, I know all too well that there are days when no bus should run, period! That as a former driver I have witnessed some pretty horrific accidents; both visually as well as the aftermath on our closed frequency radios. The pleas and terrified shrieks of one driver, many years later, still clear in my mind as she pleaded for help for another motorist who's car was pinned beneath her front tires. In an instant any who saw the motorist knew he wasn't to be helped. It was on a day that is quite reminiscent of today's expected forecast.

On another occasion a close friend and fellow driver. Having made the call to refuse a high school student to bored her bus. A gut feeling that all was not good to then only moments later be faced with being hit by a loaded 40' transport truck or swerve hard, hit a ditch and over turn the bus. Almost a decade later and still dealing with chronic and severe back pain.; unable to return to work.

So I suppose the point in me writing is to ask simply this...."how well do you trust your child's school board in deciding if the roads are safe enough to travel?" Though it may turn out to be next to nothing? Maybe be passed over, even....still she's just far too precious for me to gamble on and so today.....today I'M CALLING MY OWN SNOW DAY brought to you by the Board of Mom:) Have a great and safe day, everyone.

Because LIfe Doesn't Come With Instructions

As I sit here this morning my mind wanders backwards to last night; the call coming in and the Constable's words, "Your daughter is perfectly fine ma'am, she didn't see a thing." How things immediately took on such a surreal feeling. Going through the motions, us getting dressed to go and collect her from the scene. The whole trip wondering, what exactly happened and was it really happening.

That a woman so seemingly calm and kind. Her children, their behaviours evident of a loving and good home. How on earth? Not ever could we imagine what we would soon learn as being "the truth".

That hours later, in the wee hours of the morning as I lay next to you, my final thoughts returning to that sweet and innocent little girl. My daughter's friend and how she looked into my eyes as she spoke, "Its okay but dogs make me feel uncomfortable, and its probably better if I stayed with my brother tonight." As they then turned and walked away with the night's assigned custodian and neighbour. Her expression and how she struggled to keep her voice even as the tears welled.

Their mother? Why? What on earth was going on to have made such a decision? Certainly no parent could make a deliberate decision that would have such results....plunging their own children into a world of uncertainty and despair....I do not judge, please do not think this. I am merely grappling with what is as I wonder what has happened in the hours since and how I hope that my daughter's friend will call soon. Will share with her friend that somehow some peaceful and hopeful resolution has been found and that her mom, I pray to the powers that will be, will get the help she needs.

Perhaps once the girls have spoken, perhaps then I can find peace, myself. In the mean time, I think I should go embrace my own daughter and hug her extra tight, for just a few more minutes then usual....simply because at this moment in time, I am blessed with the ability to do so.

These are my thoughts on this the final Sunday morning in January 2009.

Just Visiting

So its been a little while since Ive really had the chance to sit and think about writing a blog. I suppose it could all boil down to not being overtly inspired...then again it may be that I have so much that I wish to discuss and blog about that I simply cannot chose as being spoiled for choice? Yes perhaps this is more closer to the truth.

Since I have last blogged there has been so much to think about. I recently saw a downloaded version of the Patrick Swayze and Barbara Walters interview and found myself caught somewhere between being heart broken and deeply moved and somewhat annoyed with the networks and Ms Walters determination to build ratings. Now I know most would feel that Ms Walters is generally even tempered and amicable softer journalist sure. Still as being widowed myself I was certainly taken aback when she looked Lisa Niami level in the eye and asked, "have you thought of having to face life and what that will be like without him?" As the tears overflowed and spilled down my cheeks, those closest to me watching the program may have heard my croaked, "oh God, don't ask her to put that into words" as I watched Patrick's wife of 33 years cry while thinking about her answer.

My stomach turned as I found my mind wandering to the suffering of yet another popular celebrity family currently under the glaring and ever watchful eye of the media, The Travoltas and began to shudder thinking of how within hours of learning the loss of John and Kelly's 16 year sold, the rumour mill went into overdrive as speculation if because of their beliefs if somehow they were responsible due to negligence. I mean they are, in my opinion, suffering the worst pain imaginable and all the media hounds can do is to try and stir up dirt? Ah but then again these are the same types that chased Princess Dianna to her death too, aren't they?

Then there are the tabloids at the check out....the cruel and untruthful publications and while I know most of us are not so unintelligent to believe the utter garbage printed I cannot help but think about the impact of the lies on those targeted. How Patrick is on his death bed or how John and Kelly refused treatment for their seizure prone son.....I mean sure they are celebrities and yes they do have their luxurious homes and ranches to retreat but lets not forget that they are human beings too. That they are not immune or exempt from pain and suffering and that the public, fans and foes alike should stop and think about what it might be like to have every moment of your life documented....hacks fighting for just one more picture....one more reaction or one more teardrop at their expense....and maybe just maybe not buy their trashy publications after all. If we don't pay....they will cease to exist. Something to think about....isn't it?

Alone in The Night

Can you remember being twelve years old and the excitement that Christmas held for
you? Old enough to not want to still be a child but still young enough to enjoy all the
magical moments that can only ever be Christmas morning?
With your immediate family, possibly some extended-younger cousins for example, all
scattered about the room. Their faces smiling delightfully as their eyes grow round
while each of them awaits the go ahead to dig into the mountain of gifts before them.
You, you're well passed believing in Santa. You already know he's something your
parents did. Or some other relative, perhaps? Yes the chatter and laughter, the
joyous looks and gasps of surprise, you cannot help but smile too as each little one
opens gift after gift. The adults too seem immersed in gift opening and then suddenly
you eyes glimpse beneath the tree. It is bare.
Then, as if all is in slow motion, your head lowers back towards the space, the clear
area before you; there is nothing. Your heart rises into your throat, you can still hear
the laughter around you, a flurry of discarded, torn and ravaged piece of Christmas
wrap. As if to add insult to injury some sharply calls your name and commands you to
assist in picking up all the paper and collecting it as garbage...the reality is obvious,
somehow you have been forgotten.
Its a moment, I don't think any of us would wish any child to endure. It's a moment
that I think most of us, struggle deep within our pockets for some "spare" change or
extra "dosh" as my husband calls it, hands extended to deposit it in the many
Salvation Army balls that are well known throughout the Christmas season. A time
when my young daughter and I book the time to volunteer locally to sort, pack and
distribute food and toys to those families that just need a little extra help to get them
through the holidays.
It is the moment, that changes a child forever-a child already deeply scared having
endured six long years of abuse of all kinds including the most difficult to recover
from; emotional. Who has learned from a young age to accept that life is far from
fair. Abandoned by both parents at age two, raised by one parent's extended family
and reminded daily of the burden that they are. The poorest and most damaged of
self-esteem carefully and painstakingly fostered by those that feel the need to remind
the child that they weren't wanted. "Your mother through you out like a bag of
garbage" How many times was that heard? Certainly daily and as far back as that child
could remember....those being the final thoughts on that dreadfully long day, as the
child lies alone in their bed, weeping quietly into their pillow, wondering if they were
no more, would they even be missed?

Just Nattering For the Sake of Nattering :)

Oh the weather outside is frightful! For that reason alone, I am glad that I do not have to travel far from my home today. You know by now, you'd think that I, along with other Canadians born here, would be use to these conditions. Alas, I am not! I do not enjoy having to plough through the slushy roads or knee deep snowbanks....anymore than I would likely enjoy wresting with a great white shark! Ok, that last little bit was a result of something I read online on CityNews.ca yesterday, lol.

No today, is more of the kind of day when you think....heats on, food in the fridge, its peaceful and seeing as the little darling made it safely off to school....time for me to whip up an awesome juice and curl up with a good read!

And juice I have!!! Oh yes my very own tropical five alive blend. Started before she left for the school bus, gathering and washing up one large grapefruit, 1 medium sized lemon, 1 lime and 2 seedless oranges. Next cored/sliced 2 red delicious apples, removed the top of two carrots, peeled about an inch of fresh gingeroot, sliced up a whole cantaloupe, rind and seeds also fine for juicing! A bag of fresh cranberries and away we go!

The thing about fresh juicing is its the only way you're going to get the full nutrients that only comes from consuming living enzymes/food! Its amazing how good it tastes....the immediate energy and quite possibly what I love best? The fact of how well it suppresses the appetite! Seriously 4-6 ounces of freshly juiced juice before a meal and I am lucky if I can eat 1/3 of what I would normally consume! Excellent for weight loss, right?

Ok....now to go get that book. Have a great day and do take care if you are out in present conditions :)

A Second Childhood?

Can you cast your memory back to a time when more than anything else in the whole wide world, all you wanted most was to be able to stay up all night long? Maybe it was to demonstrate how "grown up" you wished to be. Or maybe it was because you were on a sleep over with your very best friend and wanted to remember every single magical moment with them.

Well that's what being in love with You my dear makes feel. That blissful feeling of being on top of the world....finally at long last is now mine.

Having reached the point of wanting to only see the good and light in the world means I will seldom write a post such as this. One of past reflections. For as we all know, the past isn't real and isn't happening now. All of those who once held power over us, who may have hurt us are no longer granted that position, are they? As adults we take control of our own lives and destiny and are therefore able to choose whom we allow in and who we banish forever more.

That unlike a time when we were children....if that is, being a child to you meant as it did to me. An unhappy and fearful time when abuses on every level were part of daily living. When I could not seek even a moments' escape in the sanctity of good and loyal friends, for school too was a hell within itself. Not a single trusted girlfriend, favourite teacher or even the one I foolishly believed for all of a second to be my true love....none of it is real.

Then came YOU! All those years of wanting and hoping and finally You, my Love and World...security, safety, and love. That for the first time ever, I am able to look in the mirror each new day and feel at peace and sincerely happy and just felt that I should say it here....where my thoughts can sort them self out - I love You now and always will my Darling, my First "M"

For The Love Of My Life-Happy Anniversary

Can you remember, how when you were a child everything was either a joy or
mystery? That you were likely so full of hope and promise, as only those of us truly
innocent can ever really be? Free and without fears, or obstacles standing in the way
of our dreams, no matter how outlandish they may have been.
I remember. As plainly as I remember my first loss and the man who took with him my
childhood. He was my grandfather, the only father figure I would know, really and he
was everything in my youngest years. Walking oh so briskly every evening after dinner
to the store; an ice cream for me, the racing post for him. That last Christmas
morning, catching him eating Santa's cookies, and how I had scolded him...still
another memory of him sitting in his chair, my willing subject for playing, "hair salon".
My memories of him are good, sweet, kind and loving....I recall feeling so loved and
protected and cared for.
Funny but after losing him in 1973, all of those securities seemed lost for such a very
long time...until that is I met you, this time around in 2006. This coming Wednesday,
January 14, 2009 will mark a full three years passed between us. The first three years
of eternity. That while we travelled the same circles since 1979, parted a time or two
since then, this time around, my Love, I will never ever let you go. For You see, my
Darling, all of that security and love....the freedom to dream and act so openly as a
child. To live life unafraid or without fear of failure? All of the things I thought I had
lost? You see, Dear One, with YOU...and because of YOU....I have them again.
For everything YOU are and have done for me....please....my heart is Yours, now and
forever, Happy Anniversary, to You, my Love, Husband, "First M".

Insomina, Juicing and PTSD

Well now, did that title grab your attention?
*Giggles, I thought it might! Let's see where to
begin this one....okay from the time of my posting
this blog entry I would imagine that some of you
may recognize me as being one of those types of
people with a possible sleep disorder, and well
you'd be right.
Although I cannot say for certain the cause of it,
I've had it now for over 4 years and have grown
accustomed to its varying degrees of severity. I
think, in my case, the most likely culprit and
thereby most underlying cause? PTSD. Ah so now
some of you might be thinking, "OK fair enough, but
what the heck is PTSD?" lol
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD is a
condition that I was first diagnosed as having in
early 2005. Although there were other events in my
lifetime, it would seem that after witnessing the
death of my 10 year common law spouse in
November of 2004, I immediately plunged into this
new way of existence, and not an overly enjoyable
one at that. Plagued with severe bouts of deep
depression, chronic and acute anxiety attacks,
insomnia, difficulty speaking and dramatic weight
loss, this was what my new life was best
characterized by.
A depression so deep and all consuming; while I can
honestly say I did NOT have suicidal idealisations,
per see, I sincerely didn't care if I lived from one day
to the next. Actually, I think the most logical
reason why suicide wasn't on the table was solely for
the fact that I had a seven (now 11) year old
daughter to consider at the time.
So there I was, feeling all alone, deeply hurt. So
deep was the emotional torment I can clearly
remember that the emotional pain was such that it
became very physical. That my stomach and head
and limbs ached intensely. That I thought for the
rest of my life I were doomed to suffer endlessly.
But then, as time passed and life took an entirely
new direction, there came a time when I met
....well, my very own Prince Charming and present
husband. The very reason the sun now rose and set
each new day. The reason why I was at least able to
get an average of five hours and sometimes more of
quality sleep each night. Only periodic episodes of
unpredictable sleep patterns, seeing me up as early
as 2am on some mornings, though my usual waking
hour nears someplace between four and five.
Which brings me round to the final component of
today's discussion....juicing. So the first thing you
need to juice is a good, quality and reasonably high
powered juicer. Not some cheap knock off....no I
had made the mistake of investing $40 on some
joke of a gadget that I may has well held up my
money and lit it on fire for all the use that bag of
nuts and bolts was worth. I am talking about
something dependable like our 650 watt Breville! It
retails for about $200 and is worth EVERY SINGLE
PENNY!!!! Its a beast and quite possibly the single
best kitchen appliance I have ever owned! Seriously.
I can honestly say that since I have been juicing I
have found that I have renewed energy, sharper
memory and thanks to some new recipes feel that
my arthritis, water retention and general moodiness
as well as insomnia may lessen if not completely
resolve themselves thanks to juicing! As for our
immune systems? Ever heard of Nor walk virus? We
hadn't until this year. And most recently.
Beginning on December 19th, my darling husband
was struck down most cruelly by this and I followed
on December 30th. It is by far your most worst
imaginable flu virus that is apparently caused by
food unhygienic in prepartion. Contracted....well
who knows where exactly, however, it is something
that leaves you so weakened and with a sense of
impending doom as though it might never fully
leave you. Fevered, nausea and long bouts in the
bathroom, those afflicted pray for sleep and often
find themselves in a state of delirium. Not nice!!!
Thankfully, we have just been well enough the past
few days to begin juicing again, and the results are
amazing! Feeling a bit more energetic the first
night but yesterday and having just drank the third
batch of juice, I am happy to admit that I do feel
almost completely restored again.
Now what we have learned is thus far on our juicing
journals is that for those of you who may suffer
from stomach upset and indigestion adding cabbage
into your fruit juice medley may help correct this
problem and has been proven to aid in digestion.
Ginger and garlic are wonderful natural antibiotics
as is onion. They are especially effective in
fighting colds, flus and sore throats!
Beetroot is credited to cleansing the
liver....essentially detoxifying it. And
cranberries....well ladies we all know there special
worth and the marvelous effect they have on our
kidneys too!
But did you know that juicing has many additional
benefits? That through juicing you can naturally
calm oneself, that there can be relief from panic
disorder, moodiness, insomnia, and arthritis
aggrevated by water retention? That thanks to my
husband's diligence we have recent found four new
recipes that are especially helpful at relieving all
of the aforementioned along with symptoms
associated with PMS. Yes, that any of the following
four recipes have been credited with lessening
bloating, cramping and moodiness if consumed
regularly 7-10 prior to the commencement of your
cycle!
Exceptionally effective as a diuretic and there fore
aiding in the elimination of water retention....I
strongly recommend them.

Sprout Special: 4 carrots, 1 apple, 1 cup sprouted seeds.

Cool as A Cucq: 1 cucumber, 1 clove garlic, 1 tomato, dash of fresh dill.

Waterfall: 5cm section cucumber, 1 apple, 3 carrots, 1/2 small beetroot.

And made by me last night- Spring Salad: 3 florets of broccoli, 4 carrots, 2 celery stalks, 1
clove garlic, 1 tomato.

*note to serve 3 I doubled
the recipe and because it was so bitter for
daughter we added 1 medium apple to make it more
palatable.
I can honestly say that in addition to feeling much
calmer naturally, I have zero bloating and will
repeat this recipe often.

So, what are you juicing?

Is Your Life's Glass Half Empty or Full?

So how do you see life? Is your glass half empty or half full? You see, I think this is the most basic yet key points that has lead me to this place. A place where I am ready to embrace all that is peaceful, craving if you will, to establish and maintain a sense of personal balance.

Over the Christmas holidays I had the opportunity to take in, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons, staring Brad Pitt and Kate Blanchett. An incredibly long film, more of a chick flick and surely a disappointment for those (unlike me) in search of some faced paced, high energy action flick. A story about a young man who ages in reverse. Born with a body, internal organs, joints, etc of a nearing 80 year old, young Benjamin is not given a very promising prognosis in terms of longevity.

His mother succumbing to the complications associated with childbirth set in a time of about a half century ago, Benjamin's father cannot bare the reminder of his lost love and abandons the acutely ill infant on the steps of a home for the aging and infirm. Embraced most lovingly by a tragically infertile woman, so begins the unique tale of Benjamin Buttons as written by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Having turned seven, yet appearing a dwarfish seventy something year old, Ben learns early on the fact that we all must one day die. That "losing people is a must." He is told. "For how else would we know how important they were, if we didn't?" Thus a turning point in my own life, I think. Loss...yes, it is something all of us either have or will experience at some point in our lives. The degree in which the pain is felt, I suppose is dependent upon the role that person may have held in our lives. A parent or sibling, to niece or nephew as compared to a grandparent, close friend, spouse or one's own child....the degree and sense of loss as unique as the very relationship between any two persons. That with each loss, I think comes the
undeniable fact that we must at some point as well face our own mortality. With a little luck on our side, hopefully its still a long time away.

In any event, seeing as death comes to us all, eventually, wouldn't life be better spent, enjoying it? Cherishing all that is good and joyful and choosing to let the negative slip quickly through our finger tips without a second thought? Last year, my maternal grandmother passed suddenly. She was 82. Having enjoyed the company of much of her family the day before. Loads of laughter, good food and an endless parade of grand and great grand-children surrounding her, she sure would have been in her glory. The thing with Nona sadly wasn't the fact that she had been widowed almost forty years earlier. No the sad thing was that for all the love and happiness that was always within her grasp, she lived life as though shed swallowed a
rather large, hockey puck sized, bitter pill. Often frowning, negative and harsh in tone, there had seldom been a day when she hadn't spent much of it complaining, yelling, and arguing with her daughter as well as a select group of additional targets. That somehow in life for all that she had to be happy and thankful for, it were the moments of sorrow that she seemed to focus her energies on.

Much like a woman I used to know. That no matter the occasion, how happy or important something may have been to her acquaintances, friends, spouse, family and even her own children, this bitter woman could not smile. I am really convinced that this was the sad and true reality that physically her face was etched into a permanent frown....still is actually.

Well, life is too short. At forty something, I think I have finally come to realize this and refuse to
spend even one more second dwelling on the down side of life. That the world is what it is. That as merely a short, truly brief guest here, I feel that looking for the simplest beauty each day, is time well spent. A hug from our children, a smile from a friend, a light peck from someone we admire and having the ability and then desire to perform or accept a random act of kindness.
Isn't that more important than to be lying on one's death bed, hopefully years from now, regretting all the missed opportunities to fill another's heart with happiness and love and in return feel our own bubbling with the same? To know that you lived life fully. That it was a road well travelled, touch the lives of many in a positive and kind manner....isn't
that how you wish to be remembered? That your life...your hopes, dreams and goals....that all was lived with great passion and vigor and that you did it peaking through a half Full glass?

Have a wonderful day:)

How Critical Are You?

How critical am I? Well let me be the first to admit that I have spent a great deal of my life sitting in judgement of others. Its not something to be proud of nor something I've really set out purposely to do, its just sort of happened. Could be my upbringing, could be the company that I have surrounded myself with or heck it could be something in the water, lol. The thing is? I know now...2009....its time to STOP it for whatever my reasons may have been. STOP allowing negative thoughts to rule my way of thinking and refocus my energy on the positives in this our gift of life. Now relax, I am not about to get all preachy...not that I am making judgement about that sort of thing, as being one way or another. However, I feel with the new year and my quest for inner peace underway, I just feel that I am no more qualified than any other man, woman or child on this planet to make judgements on how any one else lives their life, am I? After all life doesn't come with any "how to live it manuals" does it?

A New Year and New Outlook?

Greetings and welcome to my blog. To get started I think I should explain that the purpose in my writing this blog is pretty much what the title should convey; my thoughts on living life-my life, by my own rules and without any formal manual.

It's taken me many years to face the reality that I have only me to hold accountable for my every action. Both the favourable and yes, mistakes made along the way that has led me to this precise moment in time right here, right now, blogging as being read by you.

A brand new year, with much hope and promise. A time to briefly reflect all that I have learned, lived and overcome in my greater than 40 years, setting aside all judgement as I take a deep breath in and smile wholeheartedly as I embrace all of what is yet to come. Thank you for joining me....do hope that you will enjoy this journey with me.