HHC-The Silent Killer

Well it has certainly been a while since I have last written anything, apart from the
random little fun facts in my blog. Not really delving into anything too deeply. In
part, I suppose it is because life has kept me busy and thus insufficient time to really
get into blogging in any great detail.

One area in particular zapping pretty much all of my energies almost entirely.
For a few years and with an even greater emphasis over the past several months I
have been very concerned about the overall health of my husband. Recently
culminating with his worrisome description of a feeling of impending doom, a general unwellness beginning in his toes and surging upwards, full body aches, total
exhaustion and yet at the same time intense unease and the strongest compulsion to
want to crawl out of one's own skin.

"It is as if," he recalls for me, "someone has injected diesel fuel or some other poison
in your toes and it is spreading rapidly throughout your body."
Probably the best way to articulate the feelings that are then linked to a terrifying and
foreboding thought process. The time in between, the waiting and wondering until the fateful day and an all telling appointment with a Hematologist arrives.
A day when all of his fears will either be realized, given the past medical history of his
brother and many aunts, uncles and cousins and their horrific lost battles with cancer ended tragically very early in life. Or will some other explanation be offered?

It is a calm and quiet morning in the hospital's Oncology/Hematology department. It
is easy to determine what most patients are here for. Rarely locking eyes with anyone, together we take our seats and wait for the lab technician to gather he and I to take three seemingly innocuous tubes of blood and then return us to the waiting room, once more. Three little tubes, unknown to us at that moment, that have the potential to change our lives forever.

Returning to our seats, the time passing slowly but with each minute I am more and
more certain that at the very least a testing of his blood will produce a "verbal" result
and thereby some degree of a certain diagnosis before the day is through.
Sitting next to him, offering nothing but support, a little voice hisses at me. "What
if..." I sigh, "what if its not as little as you have thought? What if, it really is cancer?" I
gulp hard and force my brain to think of something, anything else. I have been down
this road once before...caring for my previous husband right up until the end and
refusing to believe that life could once again be so cruel. No there is no way I could
be a widow a second time in only as little as a five year span. Certainly not twice at
not yet forty-three. Our daughter of only age 11, to consider as well.
We are at last brought into to meet the specialist and after exchanging certain
pleasantries she asks my husband to comment on his overall health, the past several
months and soon flat out states, that he does in fact have HHC, Hereditary
Hemachromotosis. Something he was in fact born with and that because most of the
medical field has erroneously been lead to believe is rare (wrongfully perceived) and thus seldom diagnosed in time because most are not educated to know the warning signs/symptoms or origins of it. While it is true that it is generally thought to be non life threatening, that is only true if the illness is detected and treated early enough on. If left untreated it can contribute to many serious and potentially fatal ailments that include, Type 2 Diabetes, Cirrhosis, Cancer, Congestive Heart Failure, Parkinson Disease, Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia. It can cause several mood disorders such as anxiety and anger disorders and may be misdiagnosed as Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorders. The medications used to effectively treat those disorders not only permanently altering the recipient's brain chemistry but proving to yield catastrophic results , including suicide, if medications are taken unnecessarily.
This disease is essentially an iron overload. It is simply yet perhaps seemingly a touch medieval, best treated through Phlebotomy or in layman's terms, blood letting.
*to be continued in further blogging installments.

25 (Fun) Facts That You Likely Didn't Already Know About Me

1. I used to be terrifed of large breed dogs that is until I myself owned a King Sheppard/
Rotti cross and then a American Staffordshire Bull Terrier.
2. I consider myself to be spiritual as opposed to religious.
3. I am a firm believer in that life is far too short to be taken too seriously.
4. I am definitely right of centre...How right? Do Ann Coulter, David Menzies and Ezra
Levant provide you with any clues?
5. Although I do not oppose the "Pro Choice" right; apart from instances meaning life and
death, it's not the right thing for me personally.
6. I believe that those who have children knowing full well they haven't the means to
provide for them are to some degree comitting child abuse.
7. Beauty pagents have no place in a world where women should be seen as equals.
8. I am the eldest of 8 children.
9. I have 1 full brother, 5 half sisters and 1 half brother.
10. I am a Capricorn.
11. I am proud to state that I share my birthday with Sir Anthony Hopkins.
12. Motherhood, by far, is my greatest life achievement, thus far.
13. I am happily married to my soul mate and best friend.
14. I drink rarely.
15. My drink of choice aside from water would be Bailey's Irish Cream or white wine.
16. I am defintely a multiple (tasks, talented, etc, ;) kind of gal. :)
17. I have what I describe best as "varied" taste in music. Pretty much everything BUT rap
or hip/hop.
18. I believe that Canadians could learn from the U.s. "what it means to be patriotic."
19. The place I most want to see in my life time is "the French Quarter" New Orleans.
20. Other must vist places include: England, duh I wonder why....Australia and Ireland.
21. The only reason why I probably won't ever visit Vegas, is simply because I just don't
think I can conquer the power of one arm bandits, lol.
22. At the moment I don't think there is anyone sexier than my hubby dressed in leather!
23. A close second in terms of sexiness however would be Johnny Depp.
24. My vision of heaven, although isnt clear does include never again having to do dishes or
laundry and has an endless supply of unfattening, good tasting chocolate.
25. And the final 25th fun fact about me, that I thought you might like to know about me is
contrary to popular opinion I do not have an anger problem; I am quite comfortable with
exploded whenever the F-@#-in-H&!-L I please. LOL

Obama? How Will Canada Measure Up?

So its been a week since the Historic event and while I must admit that I do so see Present Barak Obama as quite capable for a most sizable job at hand, I have to pause and wonder at a recent favourite topic. "How on earth will Canada

ever be able to compete?" In terms of excitement,

supporters, media coverage and talked about...who exactly will cause as much a stir as the first Black American President and family?

Well in my personal opinion, I am not even all that certain I can understand why Canadians are so caught up in the whole issue of race in the first place. For unlike our neighbours to the south, Canada has never been any where near as tolerant of racism in the first place! So I suppose it is only right that the excitement from event such as this should stem from the United States. That perhaps what might seem far more appropriate to Canadians might be a first ever Aboriginal Canadian as Prime Minister. Or perhaps a member with a visible disability. Someone, who first hand, understands the struggles of those living and struggling to maintain some vestige of dignity while aided by present Publicly funded disability or Social Programs. How about an openly gay or lesbian to lead the way? Ah but is Canada ready to embrace a Transgendered female into Office? Let's face it, at this point in time, copying the United States would be like playing "follow the leader" would it not? So I am really curious....what do you think....how will or should Canada proceed and compete in making history with our neighbours?

Unoffical Snow Day Called By Mom-In-Charge!

So we are expecting as much as 15 cms of snow to fall in our region between now and five this evening. Making both the morning and evening rush hours hellish to say the very least. A peak at a local news' media website and the top story centres around the fact that already this morning, before 6am, there have been dozens of crashes due to the weather. Yet our Catholic school board has not yet cancelled the school buses. What to do?

Well I could, I suppose send my child to school on her school bus, business as usual. From looking out my window, the sidewalk seems to only have received a light dusting at this point. Though I am mindful of the rather sheltered community, the high brick building construction of our century old Victoria Row House complex and how that so nicely seems to shield us from all but the most heaviest and windiest storms. I am also mindful of the simple fact that the heaviest accumulation is expected to fall between eight and noon today.

Still there is one more factor that weighs heaviest on this mom's mind. Beginning in 1999 through until 2003, I was a school bus driver. Employed through two different Boards; one rural the other urban, I know all too well that there are days when no bus should run, period! That as a former driver I have witnessed some pretty horrific accidents; both visually as well as the aftermath on our closed frequency radios. The pleas and terrified shrieks of one driver, many years later, still clear in my mind as she pleaded for help for another motorist who's car was pinned beneath her front tires. In an instant any who saw the motorist knew he wasn't to be helped. It was on a day that is quite reminiscent of today's expected forecast.

On another occasion a close friend and fellow driver. Having made the call to refuse a high school student to bored her bus. A gut feeling that all was not good to then only moments later be faced with being hit by a loaded 40' transport truck or swerve hard, hit a ditch and over turn the bus. Almost a decade later and still dealing with chronic and severe back pain.; unable to return to work.

So I suppose the point in me writing is to ask simply this...."how well do you trust your child's school board in deciding if the roads are safe enough to travel?" Though it may turn out to be next to nothing? Maybe be passed over, even....still she's just far too precious for me to gamble on and so today.....today I'M CALLING MY OWN SNOW DAY brought to you by the Board of Mom:) Have a great and safe day, everyone.

Because LIfe Doesn't Come With Instructions

As I sit here this morning my mind wanders backwards to last night; the call coming in and the Constable's words, "Your daughter is perfectly fine ma'am, she didn't see a thing." How things immediately took on such a surreal feeling. Going through the motions, us getting dressed to go and collect her from the scene. The whole trip wondering, what exactly happened and was it really happening.

That a woman so seemingly calm and kind. Her children, their behaviours evident of a loving and good home. How on earth? Not ever could we imagine what we would soon learn as being "the truth".

That hours later, in the wee hours of the morning as I lay next to you, my final thoughts returning to that sweet and innocent little girl. My daughter's friend and how she looked into my eyes as she spoke, "Its okay but dogs make me feel uncomfortable, and its probably better if I stayed with my brother tonight." As they then turned and walked away with the night's assigned custodian and neighbour. Her expression and how she struggled to keep her voice even as the tears welled.

Their mother? Why? What on earth was going on to have made such a decision? Certainly no parent could make a deliberate decision that would have such results....plunging their own children into a world of uncertainty and despair....I do not judge, please do not think this. I am merely grappling with what is as I wonder what has happened in the hours since and how I hope that my daughter's friend will call soon. Will share with her friend that somehow some peaceful and hopeful resolution has been found and that her mom, I pray to the powers that will be, will get the help she needs.

Perhaps once the girls have spoken, perhaps then I can find peace, myself. In the mean time, I think I should go embrace my own daughter and hug her extra tight, for just a few more minutes then usual....simply because at this moment in time, I am blessed with the ability to do so.

These are my thoughts on this the final Sunday morning in January 2009.

Just Visiting

So its been a little while since Ive really had the chance to sit and think about writing a blog. I suppose it could all boil down to not being overtly inspired...then again it may be that I have so much that I wish to discuss and blog about that I simply cannot chose as being spoiled for choice? Yes perhaps this is more closer to the truth.

Since I have last blogged there has been so much to think about. I recently saw a downloaded version of the Patrick Swayze and Barbara Walters interview and found myself caught somewhere between being heart broken and deeply moved and somewhat annoyed with the networks and Ms Walters determination to build ratings. Now I know most would feel that Ms Walters is generally even tempered and amicable softer journalist sure. Still as being widowed myself I was certainly taken aback when she looked Lisa Niami level in the eye and asked, "have you thought of having to face life and what that will be like without him?" As the tears overflowed and spilled down my cheeks, those closest to me watching the program may have heard my croaked, "oh God, don't ask her to put that into words" as I watched Patrick's wife of 33 years cry while thinking about her answer.

My stomach turned as I found my mind wandering to the suffering of yet another popular celebrity family currently under the glaring and ever watchful eye of the media, The Travoltas and began to shudder thinking of how within hours of learning the loss of John and Kelly's 16 year sold, the rumour mill went into overdrive as speculation if because of their beliefs if somehow they were responsible due to negligence. I mean they are, in my opinion, suffering the worst pain imaginable and all the media hounds can do is to try and stir up dirt? Ah but then again these are the same types that chased Princess Dianna to her death too, aren't they?

Then there are the tabloids at the check out....the cruel and untruthful publications and while I know most of us are not so unintelligent to believe the utter garbage printed I cannot help but think about the impact of the lies on those targeted. How Patrick is on his death bed or how John and Kelly refused treatment for their seizure prone son.....I mean sure they are celebrities and yes they do have their luxurious homes and ranches to retreat but lets not forget that they are human beings too. That they are not immune or exempt from pain and suffering and that the public, fans and foes alike should stop and think about what it might be like to have every moment of your life documented....hacks fighting for just one more picture....one more reaction or one more teardrop at their expense....and maybe just maybe not buy their trashy publications after all. If we don't pay....they will cease to exist. Something to think about....isn't it?

Alone in The Night

Can you remember being twelve years old and the excitement that Christmas held for
you? Old enough to not want to still be a child but still young enough to enjoy all the
magical moments that can only ever be Christmas morning?
With your immediate family, possibly some extended-younger cousins for example, all
scattered about the room. Their faces smiling delightfully as their eyes grow round
while each of them awaits the go ahead to dig into the mountain of gifts before them.
You, you're well passed believing in Santa. You already know he's something your
parents did. Or some other relative, perhaps? Yes the chatter and laughter, the
joyous looks and gasps of surprise, you cannot help but smile too as each little one
opens gift after gift. The adults too seem immersed in gift opening and then suddenly
you eyes glimpse beneath the tree. It is bare.
Then, as if all is in slow motion, your head lowers back towards the space, the clear
area before you; there is nothing. Your heart rises into your throat, you can still hear
the laughter around you, a flurry of discarded, torn and ravaged piece of Christmas
wrap. As if to add insult to injury some sharply calls your name and commands you to
assist in picking up all the paper and collecting it as garbage...the reality is obvious,
somehow you have been forgotten.
Its a moment, I don't think any of us would wish any child to endure. It's a moment
that I think most of us, struggle deep within our pockets for some "spare" change or
extra "dosh" as my husband calls it, hands extended to deposit it in the many
Salvation Army balls that are well known throughout the Christmas season. A time
when my young daughter and I book the time to volunteer locally to sort, pack and
distribute food and toys to those families that just need a little extra help to get them
through the holidays.
It is the moment, that changes a child forever-a child already deeply scared having
endured six long years of abuse of all kinds including the most difficult to recover
from; emotional. Who has learned from a young age to accept that life is far from
fair. Abandoned by both parents at age two, raised by one parent's extended family
and reminded daily of the burden that they are. The poorest and most damaged of
self-esteem carefully and painstakingly fostered by those that feel the need to remind
the child that they weren't wanted. "Your mother through you out like a bag of
garbage" How many times was that heard? Certainly daily and as far back as that child
could remember....those being the final thoughts on that dreadfully long day, as the
child lies alone in their bed, weeping quietly into their pillow, wondering if they were
no more, would they even be missed?